I don’t know if you struggle with it, but I do. I call it Catholic Amnesia. There are these moments when I completely forget my worth and my identity, I forget that they lie in Jesus Christ and nothing and no one else.
It’s like during these moments my heart starts doubting the core truths about my identity that I know intellectually and I become withdrawn, insecure, and the struggle inside to choose to act in accordance with God’s will feels all but impossible.
And when I forget my identity, I struggle in being faithful to His calling in my life.
I have come to notice that the doubt in these truths concerning my identity and worth come at me full force when I am not vigilant, when I have taken my gaze off my beloved. The truth is that for the past month I have been in this struggle to remember my identity and my worth. I have placed my worth on all but Him.
Today’s readings speak into this struggle. The Lord speaks clearly to me in one phrase found in the Gospel: “Stay Awake.” Jesus says this to His disciples, and He is saying this directly to me today, “Stay Awake Claudia.”
He is asking me to be vigilant, to be prepared so that I can recognize Him in my life and know how he wants me to serve. He is not only calling me to stay awake, but also calling me to be faithful and prudent. Being prudent in where and on whom I place my gaze, and faithful always to Him.
And while he is showing this to my heart, I cannot help but ask Him,
“How can I be faithful to you? Look at who I am? Look at all my sins, all my mistakes, my failures, look at my lack of charity in my thoughts, my actions, and my words, look at my lack of hope and trust in you. Don’t you see how unworthy I am to even pray to be faithful?”
And in 1st Corinthians I find His response to this outpouring of lies in the words of St. Paul. St Paul says, “God is faithful and by Him you were called to fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”
God is faithful first! And that is why I can respond in faithfulness. Furthermore, I am not alone in this struggle. I am in fellowship with Jesus and because of this fellowship, because of the grace bestowed on me in Him, I am not lacking in any spiritual gift.
It is in this passage of scripture that I am reminded that I am sanctified in Christ Jesus and I am called to be holy. My identity is in Jesus Christ. I must remember that and stay awake vigilantly guarding it so that I can live out His call faithfully.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Claudia Rodriguez loves her family and friends. She is known for loving to bring people together so they can connect with one another. Having one on one's is one of her favorite ways of spending her time. She loves coffee shops, books, reading her poetry and being a volunteer editor for Chastity Project. It is good to know that if you give her a good cup of blended dirty chai lavender latte she will love you forever. She loves volunteering for her parish and going out with friends after. In the past, she has worked as an English teacher and in ministry and is currently rediscovering her passions and learning to dream again. The Lord is her Shepherd.